130+ Random Funny Things to Say In A Text To Make Others L

Random funny things to say in a text can turn a dull convo into a laugh-out-loud moment faster than you can type “LOL but not really.” If you’ve ever stared at your screen thinking, What do I even say to be funny right now? you’re in the right place, friend.

This isn’t just a list. It’s your new secret weapon for making people laugh, lifting moods, and dropping texts that get instant “HAHAs” instead of dry “k” replies. Whether you’re chatting with a crush, a bestie, or your group chat full of unhinged weirdos you’re about to upgrade your texting game in the best way possible.

Table of Contents

🎈 Totally Random, Utterly Useless But Funny Texts

Because sometimes your brain just goes “nope” and spits out nonsense wrapped in text-based humor and love.

Do ants have eyebrows? Asking for a very small friend.
I accidentally joined a squirrel cult. They made me bring nuts. Send help.
Just taught my cat how to use my phone. If he texts you, he’s probs angry.
If you hear a loud scream, it’s me losing an argument with my laundry basket again.
I smell like soap and bad decisions today.
My fridge just sighed when I opened it. Mood.
I think my shadow is judging me. Rude.
Just tried to high-five myself and missed.
I’m 97% tired and 3% craving chips.
I just waved at a mannequin. Twice.
My pillow knows all my secrets and my screams.
Ever just open the fridge to see if your problems moved?
I barked back at a dog today. I think I won.
I named my WiFi “FBI Surveillance Van” for drama.
I sneezed so hard, Siri apologized.
My mood today: broken vending machine.
Just realized my life’s a sitcom. Without a laugh track.

😏 Flirty But Make It Weird

These flirty jokes take a left turn into “what even” territory. Playful messages that cause butterflies and confusion.

If we were both socks, I’d hope we got lost in the dryer together.
I must be a snowflake, ’cause I’m rapidly melting into nonsense texting you.
I’d fight a goose for your affection. And geese are jerks.
My love language is memes and slightly unhinged compliments.
You look like the reason WiFi connects automatically.
I was gonna flirt, but then I tripped on my own coolness.
If I were a vegetable, I’d be a cutecumber. You? Prob a snack-o-saurus.
Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you’re Cu-Te, but also confusing.
Are you my phone charger? ‘Cause without you I’m dying.
I like your face. Can I borrow it… forever?
I’d rearrange the alphabet to put U and I in… awkward silence.
You’re the human version of my favorite hoodie.
Can I borrow your hoodie… forever… maybe your last name too?
I must be a cat, because I’m falling fur you.
If you were a vegetable, you’d be a hot potato.
I dreamt we were in love. Should I go back to sleep or text you more?
You’re the glitch in my love life, and I like it.

🤓 Nerdy Yet Necessary

When you wanna bring some comedic one-liners straight outta the geek zone.

Why don’t we ever see hipster ghosts? They only haunt vintage houses.
I ran a background check on myself… I’m boring, but also a legend.
My calculator and I are in a complicated relationship. It doesn’t count on me anymore.
Just hacked my toaster to play “Eye of the Tiger.” Breakfast is intense now.
If I had a superpower, it’d be making situations weird real fast. Oh wait, I do.
I’m not procrastinating, I’m optimizing my creative latency.
I put the “pro” in protocol… and also in procrastinate.
My spirit animal is a buffering YouTube video.
I code in coffee and sarcasm.
If I were an app, I’d crash occasionally but look cute doing it.
My brain just blue-screened while ordering tacos.
Autocorrect thinks I’m fluent in Martian.
Do you ever debug your emotions? Asking for a confused heart.
I believe in parallel universes, mostly because this one’s kinda meh.
I’m 99% sure I accidentally summoned a demon using Alexa.

👑 Sarcastic Comments You Can Text Like A Pro

Let the sarcasm flow like cheap wine at a suspicious wedding.

Oh wow, you’re soooo original. Never heard that joke before (yawn).
Congrats, you’ve unlocked level 7 in the game of Annoy Me.
I love how your messages are like riddles I don’t want to solve.
Are you always this charming, or is today special?
Keep talking, I’m learning how not to care in real-time.
Oh no, I totally needed your unsolicited opinion. Said no one ever.
Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you’ll find a brain back there.
You’re like a cloud—when you disappear, it’s a nicer day.
That was so funny I forgot to laugh. Twice.
If I wanted nonsense, I’d ask my toaster.
You really woke up and chose… basic.
Did you major in “Making Things Weird”?
Wow, you’re like a human plot twist confusing and unwanted.
You bring so much joy… when you leave the chat.
You should be a comedian… for aliens.

🧊 Conversation Icebreakers That Might Just Break The Iceberg

Need funny conversation starters? These are awkwardly amazing.

So… if you were a piece of furniture, what would you emotionally identify as?
Quick! First three words that make absolutely no sense together. Go.
Do you believe cereal is soup? This is critical to our friendship.
Describe your last sneeze in one dramatic sentence.
What’s the dumbest thing you’ve googled today? Be honest.
What’s your zombie apocalypse survival strategy? Be detailed.
If animals could talk, which one would roast you the most?
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten and liked?
You get a free time machine, but it only goes to Tuesdays. Go?
What would your villain origin story be?
If your life was a meme, which one?
What’s your most controversial snack opinion?
Describe your last dream using only emojis.
Choose: live with 100 duck-sized horses or 1 horse-sized duck?
Tell me something I wouldn’t believe. Go.

😂 Gender-Neutral Giggle Bombs

Age-neutral jokes and gender-targeted humor don’t have to be boring. These work on everyone from your aunt to your weird co-worker.

I tried adulting today. I returned it. Too glitchy.
My spirit animal is a stressed-out potato with WiFi.
I once dreamed I was a baguette. It was… fulfilling.
Who needs abs when you have excellent WiFi and leftover pizza?
I put the “pro” in procrastination.
I’m the human version of “meh.”
I’m not short, I’m concentrated awesome.
I tripped over a WiFi signal today.
I’m not awkward, I’m just limited edition.
I skipped the gym again… for emotional reasons.
I sleep like a log awkward and occasionally on fire.
My brain is like a browser with 57 tabs open. And one’s playing music.
I’m too glam to give a damn… but still confused.
I confuse myself daily, and I like it.
I smile like I know what’s going on. I don’t.

💔 Friendly Teasing That Won’t Start a War

The art of friendly banter is subtle. These won’t ruin friendships unless your friend is really into lawn chairs or something.

You remind me of my phone at 1% super important, yet constantly alarming.
Your texting speed is so fast, I thought you were Morse coding from the afterlife.
I’d say you’re one of a kind, but I’m still holding out hope there’s only one of you.
You’d survive a zombie apocalypse mostly by confusing them.
Do you rehearse your awkwardness, or is it freestyle?
You’re the reason autocorrect gave up.
If you were a seasoning, you’d be low-sodium chaos.
You’re so extra, even guac is jealous.
You’re not weird… you’re an entire genre.
I trust you with my secrets, but not my fries.
If being late was an Olympic sport, you’d be on the podium.
You run on caffeine, chaos, and questionable decisions.
Your spirit animal is probably a squirrel on espresso.
You’re a walking plot twist in Crocs.
You’re the kind of friend who texts “I’m outside” before even leaving the house.

📲 Emoji-Ready One-Liners

Designed for emoji-compatible content, these lines slap harder when followed by completely unrelated emojis.

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode. 🐢🌵
My vibe is 70% coffee, 20% chaos, 10% trying to find my keys. ☕🧨🔑
If Monday were a person, I’d file a restraining order. 🚫👤📅
I eat stress for breakfast. That’s why I cry at lunch. 🍽️😢
I’m not saying I’m weird, but the squirrels do whisper when I walk by. 🐿️👀
My bed and I are in a committed relationship. 🛏️❤️
Coffee first, adulting never. ☕🚫
I’m not lazy, just in power-saving mode. 💤🔋
I run on snacks and vibes. 🍕✨
My thoughts have a loading screen. 🧠🔄
I’m multitasking: ignoring you and daydreaming. 🙈💭
Too cool for reality. 🕶️🌍
Brain.exe has stopped responding. 😵💻
Smiling through the chaos. 🙂🔥
My life is a rom-com, minus the romance. 🎬😅

🎭 Humorous Texting Comebacks That Leave ‘Em Stunned

Some people text dumb. You text like you’ve studied the humor mechanics of a stand-up comic on espresso.

Oh you’re mad? Please take a number. I’m busy not caring.
I would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
Your opinion was noted… and filed under “Y” for “Yeah no.”
You’re not the main character. You’re like… scenery. With dialogue.
I’d insult you, but I left my creativity in my other hoodie.
You dropped something… your standards.
You talk a lot for someone who’s always wrong.
I’d explain it to you, but I left my crayons at home.
Your messages are like puzzle pieces from different boxes.
I’d agree with you, but then logic would be upset.
You make beige look exciting. Almost.
Please keep talking. I need a nap soundtrack.
You’re not wrong. You’re just… consistently confused.
You’ve got a great personality… for radio.
You must be the human version of a plot hole.

💩 Ridiculous Jokes You Didn’t Know You Needed

Stuff that belongs in a comedy museum shaped like a banana peel.

If life gives you lemons, squirt them in life’s eye and demand pizza.
I once tried to high-five a tree. It was a low point.
I’m writing a book called “How to Trip Over Air and Still Be Fabulous.”
Can’t talk. Currently arguing with a pigeon about sidewalk rights.
My brain is buffering… please stand by with snacks.
I put my phone on airplane mode and it still won’t fly.
I tried cooking once. Now my microwave has trust issues.
If cats ruled the world, we’d all be wearing collars by now.
I named my house “The Gym” so I can say I went.
I tried to be normal once. It was the worst 3 minutes of my life.
I spilled glitter on my floor now my room is permanently sarcastic.
My toothbrush and I had an argument. Things got bristly.
I hugged a cactus once. Emotionally.
I danced like nobody was watching. Turns out everyone was.
My brain went on vacation. Left no forwarding address.

😬 Text Pranks You Can Only Get Away With Once

These are risky. Use them responsibly. Or don’t. I’m not your moral compass.

Text your friend “I buried it in the usual place” and go offline.
Send “OMG I didn’t mean to send that!” with no follow-up.
Type “We need to talk” and then ghost for 6 hours.
Ask “What’s your blood type again?” outta nowhere.
Text “The pigeons know” and then say “wrong number.”

😄 Light-Hearted Banter for Daily Vibes

Because not every funny text idea needs to be emotionally exhausting.

I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope for the best.
Today’s goal: make fewer bad decisions than yesterday.
I’m emotionally attached to my blanket. And maybe cheese.
I want to be a morning person. But mornings keep happening so early.
I whisper “Why tho?” to my responsibilities at least 6 times a day.

👯‍♂️ Friendship-Focused Jokes to Send Your Ride-Or-Die

Your besties deserve text messaging comedy with emotional connection. You know, love… but with memes.

If we were both arrested, I’d be the one yelling “This is your fault!” while also laughing.
You’re like the human version of my favorite hoodie. Kinda weird, but comforting.
If we had a sitcom, it’d be called “Two Brain Cells and A Dream.”
Thanks for being the friend who always says “do it” when I say “should I?”
If we get matching tattoos, it better be a slice of pizza with sunglasses.

🎉 Wrappin’ It Up Like a Random funny things to say in a text

Welp, if you made it this far and didn’t crack at least a grin, check your pulse or worse, your phone battery. Funny things to say in a text aren’t just about being silly. They’re weapons of light-hearted banter, humorous texting, and mood lifting. The best kind of digital humor makes someone’s day a little weirder, a little brighter, and a whole lot more fun.

So go ahead. Copy, paste, remix. Send these to your BFF, your crush, your dentist who knows, maybe they need a laugh too.

Drop your favorite line below or tag that one friend who always replies “lol” but never actually laughs 😏